Grief and loss can dramatically affect the workplace. Whether you are returning to work after a loss or supporting a bereaved coworker or employee, consider these helpful strategies and best practices.
Returning to work after loss
Bereavement-leave policies range from generous to inadequate, depending on the employer.
Many employees feel they must return to work just days after a loss because they can’t afford to take time off or they don’t have leave time available. Sometimes, however, people want to get back to work quickly because it provides a routine and distracts them from their grief.
If you are returning to work after the death of a loved one:
- Be kind to yourself. Accept that you may not function at your usual level for at least a few weeks and maybe longer. Understand that you may be exhausted or unfocused, cry unexpectedly, lose your temper, or feel like no one understands your pain. Identify a safe space where you can get away for a little while if your grief is overwhelming.
- Enlist a spokesperson. Ask a trusted colleague to communicate on your behalf if you find it hard discuss the loss with coworkers. This person can share information about your loss, let coworkers know whether you want to discuss it, and generally run interference for you in your first days back on the job.
- Give coworkers some grace. Understand that some people will avoid you or fail to acknowledge your loss — not because they don’t care, but because they aren’t sure of the right thing to say. Expect some people to say things they don’t really mean because they don’t know how to respond to grief.
- Prepare a standard response to use when coworkers ask how you’re doing. If a well-meaning comment is unintentionally hurtful, give your standard response, try to ignore the comment, or simply acknowledge the coworker’s support. Assume that some people will not know you have experienced a loss and may think you’ve been away for other reasons.
- Ask for accommodation. If your employer allows remote work and it is suitable for your position, consider asking for this option. It may let you resume working in a more comfortable and gradual way.
Supporting a coworker or employee
When someone at work experiences a loss, simply offering your sympathy and support is a good way to help.
- Ask how they are doing and let them know that you’re available to provide support. Genuinely listen to their response without judgment or comment. It is important to acknowledge their loss; often a simple “I’m sorry” is enough.
- Refrain from sharing stories of your own loss or comparing your coworker’s loss to others’. Don’t avoid the topic altogether because you aren’t sure what to say.
- Consider ways to lighten the bereaved employee’s workload temporarily; make allowable accommodations to help them ease back into work.
- Show your individual support by attending the visitation, going to the funeral, or sitting shiva. Flowers or a memorial donation from the workplace can demonstrate concern and care.
- Remember, there is no timeline to grief. A colleague may unexpectedly have a bad day months after a loss, so continue to be supportive even after the funeral.
When a coworker dies
An employee’s death can affect the entire workplace. Providing a sensitive and compassionate environment will help coworkers cope with the loss.
- Remember that every person grieves in their own way; respect everyone’s grieving style by making space for open communication and dialogue.
- Share information about the death, as well as funeral plans and other arrangements, in accordance with the family’s wishes.
- Make the workplace a supportive place for employees dealing with grief and loss. It may be appropriate to arrange a workplace memorial to commemorate the loss and allow colleagues to express their grief.
- Consider professional intervention by a crisis team or make counseling available for coworkers. A local hospice, funeral home, mental health agency, or Employee Assistance Program may be able to provide extra help if needed.
