Grief is a reaction to loss, and like a fingerprint, it is different for everyone.
Many factors influence how you experience and express grief, including your relationship to the person who died, the circumstances of the death, and your culture and spirituality.
Grief is not always about the death of someone you love. You may experience grief after an animal companion dies, or after the loss of a relationship, a job, or your independence, perhaps due to injury or illness. Read about animal companion and non-death losses.
How long does grief last?
One misconception is that grief occurs in a series of five stages. The truth, experts agree, is that grief doesn’t follow a predictable path. The grieving process can begin even before a loved one dies, when losses associated with illness and decline begin to mount. Learn more about anticipatory grief.
No calendar can accurately predict your adjustment to loss. Typically, grief lessens over time, its intensity fades, and it becomes manageable. But it never truly disappears.
For example, you may feel that you are coping well after a loss and re-engaging with other aspects of life — and then suddenly you’re overwhelmed by deep feelings of grief. Experts call this back-and-forth the “dual-process model,” and it describes how we eventually adjust to loss. Read more about this process of coping with bereavement.
Even years after a loss, a song, a scent, or something you see may bring up a special memory of your loved one — and with it, a strong wave of grief. This may feel jarring, or it may bring comfort. In any case, it is a common experience.
If your grief doesn’t subside with time, and if you are unable to return to your prior level of functioning several months after a loss, it’s important to seek the help of a grief counseling professional. It is essential to get professional help if you consider harming yourself or someone else. Learn more about grief and potential complications.
Try to be gentle with yourself as you grieve. Remember that we always maintain a bond with the person who has died. The lessening of grief is not the end of the attachment to your loved one; your memories of them will live on. Learn about continuing bonds and how to maintain a connection.
Expressions of grief
There are different “styles” of grieving. Some people can talk about their grief, while others can’t find words to describe how they feel. Some may cry, wail, or shout; others can barely speak.
Some may be exhausted by grief, while others channel their emotion into activity. Each of these responses is natural.
Your grief style is not a measure of your love for the person who died. Read about the different styles of grief.
Grief can make you feel profoundly uncomfortable physically, emotionally, cognitively, and/or spiritually. Read more about how grief may affect you.
