Many grieving people wonder if they would benefit from joining a support group. Support groups are a time-tested method of help for people struggling with all sorts of difficulties. But groups are not magic; there are no words that can be uttered within a group setting that can make grief disappear. Many people report comfort in the companionship of group support and benefit from knowing they are not alone in their experience of grief. How can a support group help? Groups are places to work together and support one another in an environment where everyone gives and takes. Not every griever will find a support group suitable, as everyone grieves in their own way. For many, however, support groups have much to offer, such as: Validation Grief is experienced in so many ways—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Being with other grievers can reaffirm that one is not going crazy, which is a common concern of people who are grieving. While every loss is unique, having the support of others who have experienced loss and understand can be comforting. Time away For many people, a support group can be a break from the loneliness and isolation that often come with grief. Suggestions for coping There is no single solution to dealing with loss; but by listening to stories of how others cope with a particular problem or situation, new ideas for coping can emerge. Support groups offer two other gifts:
Grief can affect people in a lot of different ways—physically, emotionally, spiritually—as well as in the ways they behave or think. While it is normal to be “out of sorts” when grieving, certain manifestations of grief should be evaluated and treated by professionals. Here are examples of some “yellow lights” that might be cautionary signals: Intense physical reactions While physical manifestations of grief such as fatigue, aches, and pains may very well be related to the stress experienced in grief, any persistent physical complaints ought to be evaluated by a physician. Be sure your physician knows that you are grieving a significant loss. Grief that is disabling Seek counseling if grief is critically interfering with key roles in work, school, or at home, especially if you cannot seem to minimally function in those roles. Extreme anxiety or sadness While anxiety and sadness are normal reactions to loss, seek help if they seem severe or disabling. If you have a history of anxiety or depression, it might be worthwhile to be proactive and seek help. An intense inability to speak of the person who died or an extreme unwillingness to make any changes in the deceased's room If these or other minor events trigger intense reactions, they should be evaluated. Destructive behaviors While anger is a natural part of grief, intense anger or thoughts of hurting others should be a sign to seek help. Self-destructive behaviors Thoughts of suicide, excessive drinking, or excessive use or dependence upon prescription medications or illegal drugs are signs that one should seek immediate help. The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day by dialing 9-8-8. If you feel you need to speak to a counselor, you should do so. The Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) maintains a list of counselors certified in grief counseling (www.adec.org) Developed from Journeys with Grief: A Collection of Articles about Love, Life and Loss, edited by Kenneth J. Doka, Ph.D., MDiv., copyright Hospice Foundation of America, 2012.
Understanding Grief Listen to our own Ken Doka and NBC’s Maria Shriver discuss what it means to grieve and how to cope with loss.
"This opportunity has been given to me..." Nancy discusses her experience with grief counseling provided through hospice care.